My life has taken a new direction this last month. For the past 21 years and 20 days I have been on a constant search. I have searched: countries, people, things, animals, possessions and family itself. What is it exactly that I have been looking for you ask?….Love & Acceptance. Sadly that is 21 years and 20 days down the drain cuz i’ve come up empty handed. What I’ve looked for for so long has been indeed with me all along.
I believe this is solely from our esteem…or what we think of ourselves. We bicker and we pick at ourselves. We’re too fat, too thin, too broke, not smart enough, not fast enough. We criticize and berate ourselves over our mistakes. I speak for myself when i rarely take time to focus on my accomplishments rather focusing on the next task ahead. It becomes a treadmill where we rarely get further and yet the speed increases. My question is "where the hell is the destination?!"
Lets look at the terms itself "too much or too little of anything" these mean never enough and thus means there isn’t a destination or at least we’re never gonna reach it. I believe the word in the media right now is "insatiable" or unsatisfied.
And after we’re done critisizing and putting ourselves down over "that lost job," or "that wrong decision," we then go running to people, to possessions, to loved ones…to make us feel better.
We then expect people to pay us compliments, to treat us perfect, to remember those special dates. And when they don’t measure up or cuz they did it out of obligation we get angry. We expect people to do something that we don’t even do for ourselves. It reminds me of this analogy a dear friend once said to me "we like this broken cup no matter how much lovely warm coffee we pour into it, we’ll always come up empty."
I have focused for so long on the perfect, "coffee," with perfect amount of sugar (compliments) the perfect amount of milk (gifts). When in fact I need to fix the damn cup and make myself my own cup of joe!
Love and acceptance comes from within and its time to seize this day, this moment and to start loving ourselves. I totally and completely love and accept myself EXACTLY as I am!
"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."
Doctor Seuss


